


Silent

by GrayJedi11



Series: intrulogical human au [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Children, Angry Logic | Logan Sanders, Gen, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders Are Siblings, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Mess, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Prequel, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28788138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: Logan is smart, calm, and most of all, quiet. Sometimes, though, he loses control. This time, he vows never to do it again.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Original Character(s)
Series: intrulogical human au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927054
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	Silent

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i finally updated this series!! school has been kicking my ass and this has been in my drafts for a while, and i just got to finish it. im not sure if people keep up with this au, but if ya do, im likely gonna be working on it a TON more. my goal is to get out at least two more parts, 3-4 chapters each (and id love to do a couple more short fics). 
> 
> this one is a little peek into logans younger life, like what i described in the beginning of whole. i felt like i wanted to go a little deeper into my ideas, so we've got this! hope you enjoy! 
> 
> leave a kudos/comment if you do, theres not gonna be a lot of people clicking on a brotherly logicality fic with an original mom character lol. 
> 
> (also, if you are here from the rest of the series, you finally get to meet mom in person >:)

“You’re a quiet kid, aren’t you?”

Logan looked down at his hands, words cutting like a knife. He nodded as not to make his teacher worry, his mother shifting beside him. 

“A lot of teachers have said that. It’s funny, he’s talkative whenever he finds something new to discuss with his brother, but never with his friends or me.”

“Well, I’d give anything for every student to be like him. Smart, he pays attention, never disruptive. No concerns about his grades, either, straight A’s for… how many years in a row?”

“Three,” Logan replied quietly, only barely glancing up to look at his science teacher. He could see the man smile underneath his beard, glasses falling down. Logan’s own glasses were doing the same, but he didn’t dare push the large squares slipping further down. Report cards were terrible.

It was harder than his teachers thought. Harder to keep quiet, not to get angry or act out, hard to get good grades. And still, it didn’t feel like enough.

It was hard. He often felt like he was in a huge pool of water and he could barely keep above the surface, and everyone was just waiting for a chance to push him under. Like if he did one thing wrong, he would suddenly lose everyone and everything, and he’d hurt not only his family, but everyone else.

So he kept quiet.

The rest of the meeting went on in a blur. He couldn’t tear his mind away from the thoughts he so desperately tried to avoid. What if he messed up? What if, suddenly, the silence wasn’t good enough for them? What if, at somepoint, he broke, and everything came crashing down, and he lost everything? His mother, his brother, his few friends, his teacher’s attention… he couldn’t handle that.

He scratched his pencil against the paper in frustration, not an uncommon occurrence for his teachers to notice. He erased it as best he could, hearing Patton open the door to come in. His brother actually got invited to hang out with other kids, unlike Logan. He was terrified of friends at this point, afraid to say anything to them anymore. And on the small chance they did invite him to play or have a sleepover, he would always reject it. It was probably for the best.

“Lo, do you think you could help me? Mr. Snyder said I should get help on my math work.”

Logan nodded, placing his pencil down. However obnoxious his brother was most of the time, he still cared about him. And it was easier to distract himself with someone else. 

"What do you need?" he asked, Patton pointing to the problems he was working on. It was a stupidly simple thing to Logan, he'd been working on it for years longer than Patton. 

"Okay, so you start by adding these digits, right?"

"Digits?" Patton asked, receiving an annoyed sound from Logan.

"Numbers. The ones over here."

"The six?"

"No, the other side." Logan circled them with Patton's pencil, trying to get his point across. 

"But they won't work, because nine plus two are too big. That's what he said I needed to work on."

"They  _ do _ work, you just have to put the extra one on the next digit."

"But there's no number after this one!" Patton yelled, confused. 

"You work  _ backwards,  _ you should know that."

"But does that mean the nine and the two go away?"

"No, you just put them on top of the five and the three," Logan said, tightening his grip on the pencil as he pointed. 

"So they  _ do _ go away!"

"No, they  _ don't _ ! I told you, they go on top of the five!!!"

"But then there's nothing left under them!"

"The  _ one _ goes under them, stupid!!!" he yelled, punching the table. Logan could be quiet most of the time, why not now?!? He didn't want this, he wanted to be  _ silent _ , but why  _ couldn't  _ he?!? 

"I'm- I'm not stupid-"

"Why don't you just-" Logan began, before squeezing his arm and pulling it up to his mouth instinctively, resisting the urge to bite it but shutting himself up anyway. He breathed in and out quickly, digging his nails into his arm and jumping from the chair, running out of the room. 

"Logan, Patton, what is going-"

Their mother was stopped by Logan running into her, crying. 

"Mama, I'm- I'm sorry-" he said as she took his hand, heading into the room again. He refused to come too far inside. 

"Patton, are you okay?"

Patton sniffled, their mom kneeling down to rub his back. He nodded softly, and pulled away from her. 

"Do you wanna be left alone?"

He nodded, bringing his knees to his chest. 

"Okay, but if you need anything, you tell me, okay?"

He nodded again and she returned to the doorway, taking the still-sobbing Logan's hand. She led him to her bedroom, sitting him down on the bed. She joined him, comfortingly rubbing his back. 

"Are you okay, honey? What happened?"

"I- I got angry at P-Patton, and- I hate being- being angry and I called him stupid and I want- I want him not to feel bad but I already did it and I'm- I'm sorry-"

"It's okay, Logan, it's okay. I don't think you should call people stupid, but everyone lashes out sometimes. He'll be okay, and so will you."

Logan shook his head violently, sobbing again. "I'm stupid, and I shouldn't, I shouldn't be here, I should-"

"Be where?"

"Here. On- in here, with people, I wanna- I wanna die-"

His mom didn't say anything for a moment, Logan only hearing a sharp intake of breath. The rubbing on his back paused for a moment. 

"Lo- honey, you absolutely should be here. We love you. Please, please try not to even think about that."

He would always remember the undeniable tremor in her voice. Even as a child, he knew she was scared, scared for him, and maybe even of him. 

So he decided he needed to eradicate emotions completely. Eventually, every feeling of love turned into frustration, elation into panic, fear into anger. 

And that wasn't something he could let anyone he cared about experience.

"I'm okay, Mama, I just got really angry, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, love. We can figure this out."

He nodded to her words, despite knowing he wouldn't even try. 

Feelings were worthless. Logan would only cause destruction, no matter how hard he tried.


End file.
